Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Fear itself

Today is Day 7 of the Blog every single day in May.  I haven't been able to actually blog everyday, but I am trying to hit some of the key ones. Today's topic is - The thing(s) you're most afraid of.

I have anxiety & depression issues, which are the result of a medical condition I have (PCOS) and may or may not have anything to do with the fact that my mother and grandmother before me are complete and utter worriers. This leads to a lot of unwarranted worries & fears, I know. That being said, I think I am actually becoming slightly agoraphobic - I fear tight spaces, bridges and I am not good in large groups. 

Like most people though, my greatest fear is losing those that I love. Since having my daughter, this fear has grown exponentially. She is my everything. 

I found out I was pregnant with Gwen two days after my beloved Grandmother passed away. My husband & I had been trying to have a baby for over two years and had had two miscarriages, before Gwen (we also lost Gwen's twin). If I could, I would keep her with me every moment of every day.  I also know that that is a slightly unhealthy notion. 

Each day is blessing and I try to focus on that and not the what if's. The what if's can paralyze you and completely take the joy out of everything. Fear of the unknown is the worst. Your mind can come up with far worse scenarios than what the actually outcome could possibly be. 

So I guess what I am actually afraid of is fear itself. Fear can take hold of a completely rational person and make them completely irrational. Most days I try to be that rational person, but it is not always easy, especially being a Mom!

From this self professed worrier with irrational fears, be safe and enjoy the rest of your day!


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