Refreshed

I should have known that staying out of the sun for so long while I was pregnant and a long cold winter would mean that my first foray in the sun would lead to a slightly crispy exterior today. It should be better tomorrow - I hope. Besides the little discomfort, I look rather healthy. I know I should stay out of the sun and wear sunblock, but when the warm weather comes around she is a like a siren calling to me and her call has to be answered.

I had a very relaxing weekend at my parents. They live out in the country and I so enjoy going out there to get away for the hustle and bustle of my busy week. Gwen loves spending time with Grandma and Grandpa too. She never gets put down for long while there! I feel recharged when I leave there especially in the summer. Their gardens are lovely and the breeze is refreshing. Being there brings me back to a simpler time when I didn't have a care in the world. No matter how old I get Mom and Dad can make everything better. The only thing missing from making this a perfect summer weekend was Joe. He had to work - which he does most weekends in the summer. I shouldn't complain though, we are so blessed that he has a good job in this struggling economy.

So we start a new work week with a lot to look forward to. Received some really great news from my older brother on Saturday. Things are definitely on the upswing. I know this the beginning of a lot of good things for my entire family. Today as everyday, my glass is half full. I cleaned my rose colored glasses and everything looks beautiful.

Temper

I have to admit I am a yeller. I have a bit of a short temper which is not good. Add that to my high anxiety and I have just created a bomb that could go off at any time and result in some not so nice phrases being said. My grandfather use to say - people swear because they have a limited vocabulary. I need to expand my vocabulary I guess and learn to relax a little bit better. I realized this after an impatient driver passed me today and I was so riled up that I went through a light with a one of those red light cams - it was yellow when I started going through the intersection so I hit the gas and think I made it through before it turned red. So now I am stressing about the possibility that I may be getting a nice ticket in the mail. I am quite aware that I obsess about things that I can not fix immediately and that stresses me out even more. The not knowing and the inability to be in control leaves me feeling so helpless and making situations, albeit in my mind, worse than they usually are. I can not control everything, but I can control my temper. I need to take a step back and let things go. I know I can, I am just stubborn. For everyones sake, especially my precious little girl, I need to relax and let things not bother me, well as much. I am a good mom and when it comes to my daughter, I pride myself in being relaxed with her. She is my calming mechanism. She takes all the stress away. I pick her up and all is better.

But I still hope I don't get a ticket!

Baby steps.

Under The Weather

Gwen and I have been under the weather for a few days now. She had such a bad night last night. Neither one of us got much sleep. She even took 6oz of formula at midnight. She hasn't woken to eat since she was about 6 weeks old. I hope she isn't regressing. Hopefully it is only the cold that is upsetting her routine. She is sleeping peacefully right now next to me on the sofa. I can't believe how big she is getting. It seems like yesterday we were bringing her home and she was so tiny. She has definitely made up for her tiny start in the world. She will be 19 weeks on Sunday. Time is flying.

When she is sleeping I want her to be up, but there are many a time when she is up I just wish she would go to sleep. I know I have so much work to do, but all I want to do is play with her. She is starting to do so many amazing things and I want to experience it all.

Her First White Dress

Sunday was Gwen's Baptism. It was an amazing day. The weather turned out gorgeous and my little girl was as beautiful as ever. Gwen wore the baptismal gown and shoes that I wore for my baptism 34 years ago. I love that she wore it and hopefully I can keep it for her to pass on to her children. Not only did she look amazing, she was amazing. She was awake the whole time and barely fussed even when the holy water was poured over her head.

The party was great and everyone seemed to have had a great time. As always there was too much food consumed and several adult beverages were had. Not to mention the sun had long set before the last of guests left and the party girl was still going strong.

Joe and I were talking this morning that we can not believe it is over. It just seems like we were locking down the date and here we are the day after exhausted, but filled with joy over the celebration that took place yesterday. We are so blessed to have our little miracle and to have such wonderful families. Today I am the luckiest person in the world. Today, as I am everyday, I am thankful for all the blessings in my life. I can't wait to see Gwen in her next two white dresses, but I am not rushing it. I am going to relish each and every day.

Growing

Today was Gwen's 4 month Dr.'s appointment. She did amazing with her shots. She only cried for a brief moment right afterwards. She is sound asleep now in her crib. Well, my peanut has grown so much in the past 4 months (and 3 days!). At birth she was 5 lbs 14 oz and 19". Today she weighed in at 13 lbs 12 oz and is 25". The Dr. said she is perfect, which we already know, but it is so nice coming from a medical professional!

It is a gloomy day today. One where you want to get back (or stay in if possible) into ones pj's and cuddle up with a good book and a hot cup of tea. But as an adult with a plethora of responsibilities it is not an option. Work calls and as a responsible adult I must listen.

The Beginning

I am slightly old fashion. I am not one for change. I have always journaled, but it was the old fashion way - pen and paper. I figured, just like everything else I do, I would use my computer to collect my thoughts. Actually I forgot my actual journal at home today and wanted to commit my thoughts to "paper" before I forgot. So this blog is my new "paper." Let's see how diligent I am about keeping up with it. This is not really for anyone else but me. So let me now get to what I was thinking about and the reason for starting this.

It has been a crazy year. One year ago today my husband and I found out we were pregnant. We had struggled for so long to see those two pink lines come up on the HPT and the positive pregnancy test could not have come at a better time. Two days before - on Mother's Day last year - my beloved Grandma passed away from Pancreatic Cancer. I miss her each and every day. She was not only my Grandma, but my friend. We spoke on the phone every day before she became sick. To this day she is the first person I think to call if I have good news or need to share something with someone. I carry her with me everyday and my daughter will know her great-grandma.

So on to happier things and to the present - We have a beautiful and healthy 4 month old baby girl - Gwendolyn Clarice - her middle name is in honor of my Grandma. Tomorrow Gwen goes for her 4 month shots. She was a trooper with her 2 month so hopefully she will get through tomorrow no worse for wear. I am also happy that Joe - my husband - will be coming with this time.

Over the course of the last week and a half I have become slightly obsessed with a blog and look forward to seeing new posts. The blog is beautiful and touching. The story and imagery of her life are so amazing. It has touched me in such a profound way. It has made me look at my life and realize just how truly blessed I am. I may not be great at anything, but I am ok with that. I love my little life and can't wait to see what the future holds. Hopefully I will be sitting right here one year from now reflecting on this year.

Challenges are what make life interesting. Overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. ~ Joshua J. Marine