Random Thoughts

Yesterday I decided I was going to start keeping track of my random thoughts throughout the day. My mind usually goes off in many directions and half the time I can't remember what thought I started with. So here we go with my random thoughts!

1. 22 degrees below average. Yesterday was so cold. I actually had my space heater on in my office for most of the day. I am so over this cold. I want to wear pretty sun dresses and sandals. I am done wearing sweaters and boots.

2. My outfit yesterday was - Navy blue low-rise boot cut pants from Old Navy, grey pinstriped tank from Old Navy, grey ruffled sweater from Charlotte Russe, black heals from Nine West, Cameo from Lia Sophia.

3. Can't wait to get my engagement ring back. As much as I love my sapphire anniversary ring, I am much more comfortable wearing my engagement ring.

4. Going to Irish Fest Saturday!!

5. So excited that the lilacs are blooming.

6. Need to take more photos on a daily basis.

7. Need to start doing yoga again. I am a much calmer person when I start out my day with yoga. It helps me cope with things better. Healthy body, healthy mind.

8. I need to make more mommy friends for playdates.

9. Need to look into tot programs for Gwen.

It kind of turned into a to do list of sorts. So hopefully keeping track of ideas will help me update this blog more often. I sit down to write and I feel I have nothing to say, when in actuality I have a lot of thoughts. They just are all jumbled.

Today starts day two. Let's see how well I do!

Reminiscing

I am feeling very sentimental today. I picked up Grandma's watch from the jeweler last night. Grandpa gave her this watch over 60 years ago. It was in several pieces when I brought it to the jeweler and I didn't even know if she could do anything with it. It is running now and doesn't look half bad considering the aforementioned condition it started off in when I received it. I am just glad to have it on my wrist.

Now I just have to remember to wind it!

I know I should be working, but I find my mind drifting off so easily today, mostly to thoughts of my Grandma. She was an amazing woman and I miss her so much. Grandma passed away on Mother's Day 2009. She would have been 87 that July. She was from England and met my Grandfather during the war. He was an American GI who was 13 years her senior and they had a passionate love affair.

Grandma use to tell me stories about how they met and their wedding and I would and still do create pictures in my head to go along with them. Grandpa passed away when my Grandma was only 47. They shared 25 wonderful years of marriage. Grandma never remarried and was still completely in love with Grandpa until the day she died. I like to think they are up in Heaven continuing their love affair. They were apart for so long.

I often think about writing a book about her life and telling her amazing story. So as I sit here today daydreaming about writing the next best seller, which of course is a daydream in and of itself, I look to her photo on my desk for inspiration. But as the hands on my watch remind me of time, it is time for me to get back reality and back to work.

Frustrations

Life can be so frustrating at times for all us, but at the young age of 16 months it can be even more infuriating. My daughter is going through a difficult phase right now and she becomes frustrated so easily. She is so determined and independent and this leads to major meltdowns when she can't do something by herself.

Yesterday was a bad day for her, which turned into a bad day for me. She ate terribly and slept even worse. These factors lead to several major meltdowns, one of which was at a restaurant. I was completely mortified. She usually waits until we are home to self destruct.

I am trying to teach her to ask for help when she wants or needs something. We will see how this goes. Today is day one. Wish me luck!

Brighter Outlook

The sun is finally out and today is suppose to be the last cold day! My glass is half full again and things are looking so much brighter.

I am in a much better place mentally then I have been in awhile. Things are getting under control at work and I have finished several things that were hanging over my head. I received a very reassuring review from my supervisor, which also makes me feel like what I have been doing is being well received.

I am in a much better place creatively as well. Joe and I have been working on our photography and design blog and taking a lot of photos for me edit and play with. I also rearranged the furniture in the condo, which always puts me in a better mood and makes me feel more inspired.

I think Spring has finally arrived. I am excited and reinvigorated. I can't wait to open the windows. Fresh air, fresh ideas!

Funk

I don't know if it is the weather or what, but I am in a major funk. I am so uncreative and uninspired. I have lost my creative vision. Everything just looks bleak and grey and has no dimension.

I am overwhelmed at work and feel like I am just doing enough to get by. My passion for what I am doing is waning and is effecting every aspect of my life. I don't even care to do crafting anymore. I just spend my free time looking at what everyone else is doing and feeling even worse about my talent or lack there of these days. It seems like anyone with a computer feels/thinks they are a graphic artist. I feel like I could easily be replaced these days.

My confidence is shot. I have no idea what to do. So today I am throwing myself a pity party. I ordered myself a red velvet cupcake for breakfast to celebrate. Hopefully the clouds will part soon, both literally and figuratively, and the sun will shine for me. Until then, though I am going to drink my tea and wallow.

A Lesson in Patience

Yesterday was not a good day. But each day holds within it a lesson. Looking back, yesterday's was patience. I know I need more. I have been so tightly wound lately. I get frazzled so easily and I am just plain annoyed all the time.

Well yesterday was my breaking point. Gwen was super clingly in the morning as I was trying to get ready for work. Every time I tried to put her down she would lay/sit on the floor and bang her head off of it or the wall. I finally got myself somewhat put together and head out for the day.

We arrive at Gwen's daycare and the parking lot is a madhouse. I patiently wait my turn for someone to pull out, when this women pulls up next to me and then honks at me when I go to take the parking spot that was rightfully mine. I was so livid I actually opened my door and yelled at her. I am normally a non-confrontational person, but I just lost it yesterday. I get inside and Gwen wont let me put her down. I just had to leave her screaming on the floor. Not the way I like to by any means.

I was still a little rattled when I got to work, but a few cups of tea and a call to a dear friend helped me get back into the right frame of mind. The day ended a lot better then it began. Thankfully.

Looking back on yesterday has given me some perspective. I need to be more patient and let things go. I can not control everything no matter how hard I try. Things will get done and I will do a better job if I just take a step back and not try to rush through everything. I need to pay more attention to the details at hand and spend less time worrying about the things I can't control.

Yesterday was just another lesson, a lesson I need to continue learning from.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. ~ Thomas Carlyle

Time

Time goes by faster with each year. I just celebrated my 35th birthday on Friday and have no idea how that can be. I don't feel 35, most days. Some days I feel 90 though! I blinked and I have been married for almost 12 years and have a 15 month old. Don't get me wrong, I love where I am in my life, for the most part. I have the most wonderful family and a job I love. I just wish we could sell our condo and get a house. The market is horrible and I don't see the condo moving anytime in the near future.

But on the bright side, the condo has afforded us the ability to travel and not have to do a lot of home improvement. With an infant/toddler there is far less for her to get into and a lot less to keep up after. The downside, however is crazy neighbors. I know you can have them anywhere, but when they live directly below you, it is a different story.

Our time will come though. I firmly believe I am where I am, because this is where I am suppose to be right now. It will all work out when it is suppose to. My half-full glass mentality. It is what gets me through.

We went to the zoo yesterday. It was such beautiful day. Gwen was so well behaved and wanted to see everything. She especially liked the penguins. I think she could have stayed there all day watching. It is days like yesterday that make everything worth it.

I told my Mom I think this was the best birthday I ever had. We didn't really do anything special. Joe, Gwen and I went to Olive Garden for dinner the night before my birthday and then went to Barnes and Noble for coffee. Gwen loved playing in the kid's area and we had so much fun watching her.

It is amazing how things change and what becomes important. The older I get the less important status and having things have become. The older I get the more I want a simple life. I want a little house on a nice piece of property. I want to learn how to knit and can vegetables. I want to spend more time with my family. I want to enjoy life. I want to experience life. I want to drink it all in, because as quickly as these 35 years have gone, the next will go even quicker.

I have been so blessed in the life I have been given. I am thankfully each and every day.