Funk

I don't know if it is the weather or what, but I am in a major funk. I am so uncreative and uninspired. I have lost my creative vision. Everything just looks bleak and grey and has no dimension.

I am overwhelmed at work and feel like I am just doing enough to get by. My passion for what I am doing is waning and is effecting every aspect of my life. I don't even care to do crafting anymore. I just spend my free time looking at what everyone else is doing and feeling even worse about my talent or lack there of these days. It seems like anyone with a computer feels/thinks they are a graphic artist. I feel like I could easily be replaced these days.

My confidence is shot. I have no idea what to do. So today I am throwing myself a pity party. I ordered myself a red velvet cupcake for breakfast to celebrate. Hopefully the clouds will part soon, both literally and figuratively, and the sun will shine for me. Until then, though I am going to drink my tea and wallow.

A Lesson in Patience

Yesterday was not a good day. But each day holds within it a lesson. Looking back, yesterday's was patience. I know I need more. I have been so tightly wound lately. I get frazzled so easily and I am just plain annoyed all the time.

Well yesterday was my breaking point. Gwen was super clingly in the morning as I was trying to get ready for work. Every time I tried to put her down she would lay/sit on the floor and bang her head off of it or the wall. I finally got myself somewhat put together and head out for the day.

We arrive at Gwen's daycare and the parking lot is a madhouse. I patiently wait my turn for someone to pull out, when this women pulls up next to me and then honks at me when I go to take the parking spot that was rightfully mine. I was so livid I actually opened my door and yelled at her. I am normally a non-confrontational person, but I just lost it yesterday. I get inside and Gwen wont let me put her down. I just had to leave her screaming on the floor. Not the way I like to by any means.

I was still a little rattled when I got to work, but a few cups of tea and a call to a dear friend helped me get back into the right frame of mind. The day ended a lot better then it began. Thankfully.

Looking back on yesterday has given me some perspective. I need to be more patient and let things go. I can not control everything no matter how hard I try. Things will get done and I will do a better job if I just take a step back and not try to rush through everything. I need to pay more attention to the details at hand and spend less time worrying about the things I can't control.

Yesterday was just another lesson, a lesson I need to continue learning from.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. ~ Thomas Carlyle

Time

Time goes by faster with each year. I just celebrated my 35th birthday on Friday and have no idea how that can be. I don't feel 35, most days. Some days I feel 90 though! I blinked and I have been married for almost 12 years and have a 15 month old. Don't get me wrong, I love where I am in my life, for the most part. I have the most wonderful family and a job I love. I just wish we could sell our condo and get a house. The market is horrible and I don't see the condo moving anytime in the near future.

But on the bright side, the condo has afforded us the ability to travel and not have to do a lot of home improvement. With an infant/toddler there is far less for her to get into and a lot less to keep up after. The downside, however is crazy neighbors. I know you can have them anywhere, but when they live directly below you, it is a different story.

Our time will come though. I firmly believe I am where I am, because this is where I am suppose to be right now. It will all work out when it is suppose to. My half-full glass mentality. It is what gets me through.

We went to the zoo yesterday. It was such beautiful day. Gwen was so well behaved and wanted to see everything. She especially liked the penguins. I think she could have stayed there all day watching. It is days like yesterday that make everything worth it.

I told my Mom I think this was the best birthday I ever had. We didn't really do anything special. Joe, Gwen and I went to Olive Garden for dinner the night before my birthday and then went to Barnes and Noble for coffee. Gwen loved playing in the kid's area and we had so much fun watching her.

It is amazing how things change and what becomes important. The older I get the less important status and having things have become. The older I get the more I want a simple life. I want a little house on a nice piece of property. I want to learn how to knit and can vegetables. I want to spend more time with my family. I want to enjoy life. I want to experience life. I want to drink it all in, because as quickly as these 35 years have gone, the next will go even quicker.

I have been so blessed in the life I have been given. I am thankfully each and every day.